Ahhh toxic people. They can be hard to identify and even harder to break free from. The problem with toxic people is they are really good at taking: time, energy, emotion… but offer nothing in return except unnecessary clutter.
Decluttering has become increasingly popular over the years and there are many tips on decluttering home spaces, office spaces, vehicles, all the way to decluttering your email. But what about decluttering people?
We’ve all been there at some point. We have a friend, or two, who always seems to be interested in our lives and wants to get together for lunch or coffee. Unfortunately, once we’re there, we find the entire conversation about them and their problems. Nothing supportive comes from the conversation and we end up leaving confused and emotionally drained.
When I went through my awakening (not really sure what else to call it!) two years ago, I decluttered people from my life. It was a bad time overall for me, but I found that there were many people who were not being emotionally supportive when I really needed them. I felt like I had to be OK all the time around them when in reality, I was anything but ok. I cleared everyone from my Facebook page and slowly I started adding people back. I got rid of friends & family. It was hard, but I was so emotionally stretched, I didn’t really see any other option.
As of now, I still don’t have all those people back on my page and you know what? It’s completely fine. Toxic people not only drain us but they really do clutter our lives. I know my example may seem extreme to some but stop and think about all those people on your friends page. Are you really talking to all of them? Or are they there because you feel obligated to have them there?
Getting back to the title of the post: Toxic People and Their Clutter.
- The Frenemy.
- The Liar.
- The Drama Queen/King.
- The Narcissist.
I’m sure there are others 🙂 Let’s start with the Frenemy. This is the person who constantly corrects you and tries to change things about you but deep inside, they harbor jealousy for one reason or another. They present themselves as friend but behind your back they are presenting a different face. They insult you, spill your secrets, and never really compliment you on successes but rather imply that you ‘got that award because of pure luck’. You feel like you have to apologize for your successes instead of being proud.
The Liar. Hmm… this is the person who never seems to give you the full story about anything. They say one thing but then you find out the truth was either a little off their original story or something COMPLETELY different. You end up doubting them and wondering if what they are telling you is true.
The Drama Queen/King. This person is my favorite, purely because they tend just to be completely ridiculous. This person cannot handle mellow or laid back. There has to be action or something happening and if there isn’t, they create it. They get a rush from being in the middle of chaos. They don’t know how to operate without a problem consuming them. You end up constantly saving them from their own messes and nothing you do is good enough because… when that problem is gone… another quickly emerges. You may also encounter the Complaining Drama Queen/King who only wants to complain. They never seem to want a solution to their problems, or to do any kind of work associated with fixing them. They just want to use you as a giant ear. And don’t even bother trying to discuss a problem of your own.
The Narcissist. This one is complicated because they seem to be 100% invested in you but slowly you start seeing little things emerge that make you question yourself. A narcissist will never be responsible for anything. In every situation, they are either victim or hero, but never the person who caused any problems. Narcissists are especially dangerous. They will make you question your own sanity. They never seem to ‘remember saying that’ or ‘promising to do this’.
The bottom line here is we all need people in our lives who are supportive in our endeavors. We need our own cheering section. Decluttering people is harder than decluttering your bedroom but the concepts are still the same. Are these people adding negativity? Or are they uplifting and encouraging? Do they truly care about you and your life? Do they offer constructive advice hoping you succeed or do they point out all your faults?
Asking tough questions is the only way to identify the people who are just hanging around but not really providing much value. It also helps identify those friends who we should spend our time and energy on and those we should let go. And yes, this applies to family as well. While it might be tougher to declutter family, sometimes its necessary. I’ve been through this myself and while its painful to know that there are family members who do not support me, it’s reassuring to know that the ones I’ve chosen to keep have my back and want to see me succeed.
So how do you get rid of these toxic people? There’s no real right or wrong way. The goal is to invest less and less time in them until they stop bothering you. If you’re dealing with a narcissist though, I would advise cutting ties with them quickly. They may call you names or bad-mouth you to your circle of friends but those who really know you will see through it. You can’t help what others say but you can help how you react to it. Rise above and move on knowing that you’ve made a decision that will save your mental and emotional energy for something that really matters.